Hobnobbing

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It’s important to be able to hobnob. To be able to build rapport with other people on casual topics that often include humor of some sort, which is going to be appropriate for the scenario.

Hobnobbing is like the grease on the wheel that helps the entire machine turn. It gets a conversation going and makes people comfortable with one another.

When you’re at a mixer, you need to start off by hobnobbing, talking about something that you have in common—a compliment on another guy's tie or shoes, the sports, the weather, something lighthearted—and if it’s among Black men, it can be something cultural or racial that unites you.

If you’re in an interview, you need to start off the interview by hobnobbing. This could be information if you’ve researched the researcher that you find interesting and want to learn more about. Or something fascinating that the companies are doing that you want to highlight that you were aware of and that they might be interested in speaking about. This is a form of hobnobbing, which is going to grease the wheels in order for people to like you more and want to hire you.

People often want to do business with or befriend those they like and trust. If you can fall within that circle quickly, you’re more likely to get on the same side of the table as you and assist you.

Hobnobbing is about keeping it light, fun, open, interesting, curious, and funny at times as well. But if you’re going to be funny, introduce it gradually to see if they’re going to be open to laughing or not. Therefore, the first thing you want to lead with is not going to be a joke; you want to establish some social rapport first and see how they respond—is it open or tense? Are they tight? Do they show a lot of emotion? Then you can guide your next comments from there.

Hobnobbing with your kid’s friends’ parents, colleagues, and those interviewing you is all essential to opening up the doors for greater opportunity in your life. If you’re an introvert, you can simply use the topics of sports, a compliment on something that they’re wearing, or something about them, although you want to be careful when you do this with women so that it is not taken in a sexual or romantic way, and you will be absolutely fine.

If you’re an extrovert, definitely hobnob. Share some information about yourself, your travels, a bit about your family, your dog, and your hobby. These elements of your personality and interests help to break the ice and form connections. The challenge for extroverts is not to overdo it. This is not showtime at the Apollo, and you are not on stage, especially during interviews. The purpose of hobnobbing is to create some rapport and then pivot to the more important discussion points at hand.

In Latin America, where I currently live, hobnobbing is baked into the culture, where people say good morning, good afternoon, good evening, how are you, and have a general conversation before they do any business. However, on the coasts, such as in New York or the San Francisco Bay area, people often want to jump directly into business after meeting.

This is something you want to reconsider because, even though it may seem like it went well during your interview or social interaction, they may actually view you as cold and not particularly looking forward to your next interaction if it was too formal and lacked the human touch. Be a human first; lead with some hobnobbing, and it will serve you well. Once you’ve established a relationship, you will have better opportunities to get straight down to business, but in many of your initial interactions, especially in an interview, you really want to build a rapport with them prior to jumping into this business.

Written by Jewel Edward Love, Jr.

Founder and Executive Coach, Black Executive Men

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